So it's like, almost valentine's day, and I'm not looking forward to it. You see, for the past couple of years I haven't had the greatest success. Is it because I don't make the effort? No. Is it because I'm a self-centred jerk who doesn't care about anyone else but myself? No. It's because the girls in my college have no class. I'm a pretty damn good cook, and every feb 14th at college I've rustled up a sumptuous meal for me and a special lady. And then when it'd done I've gone on a search for the lady. But for some reason, no-one's interested. You'd think girls would appreciate a man knocking on their door at 9pm and offering them a fillet of cod with asparagus that I'd cooked for no-one in particular. You'd think they'd found that flattering. Last year, I gave up after the 18th girl because it was obvious that they just can't see style when they see it. So this year it's just me, a pot noodle, and a copy of Zoo.